I was one of those skinny, skinny kids. Growing up, I found myself always active, running around or doing something. Even in the winter, we were out and about in our snow filled world. There were very few obese people, much less children. Tough and athletic, I often was one of the first picked for sports teams. I ran fast, jumped high and wanted to be the best at everything.
In 1979, two things happened to rock my world. I tore my knee up in a downhill skiing accident. The injury would completely wipe away any chance I’d ever have at a High School athletic career. With knee reconstructions still non-existent, my knee became mush and my active life disappeared. Shortly after that, I hit puberty. And suddenly I went from the skinny kid, to being an inactive, husky built girl. It was truly a low point in my life. And I struggled to regain my identity.
Now I was never truly obese, but my torso was well padded from top to bottom. I was not fit in any way. Any attempt at fitness was met with instability in my knee. I mired myself in self pity, and often food.
Once I hit college, I was just another face in the crowd. I maintained my body weight of about 140 and clothing size of 12. I never understood nutrition and ate and drank whatever I wanted. I watched a lot of TV, hung out with friends, and really never played sports – although I loved to watch them.
Then something happened. Towards the end of my college career, I ended up having a busier schedule between jobs and classes, and since I could walk everywhere, that’s what I did. I lost a clothing size for the first time since, well ever. It was shocking to go down to a 10 and maintain it for a time. I felt great. But once I graduated and started making my way in the working world, I jumped right back up. I sat those skinny jeans in the back of my closet and hoped for another day.
My other day would come a few years later. I tried “at home” workouts for the first time, doing step aerobics. The stepping motion was perfectly stable and didn’t bother my knee. Every night, I would hop on the step for 45 minutes. Within a few months, I was back in the skinny jeans. During the following summer, I began to ride my bike as well, often going on long bike rides after work and on weekends. I felt great and kept the weight off.
In 1995, I finally took the plunge and had a second knee surgery to put back in the stability to my knee. While there would always be some weakness, I needed more strength. During the extensive PT, I was basically out of commission on the biking and aerobics. And it was not long after that the wheels were in motion for me to leave Wisconsin forever. In this process, I not only put back on all the weight, but ballooned up to 167 lbs. – the heaviest I’d been in my entire life.
Once out east, I started back on my bike and aerobics, but seemed to make little progress. One of my co workers was doing a low fat diet, and I embraced the idea. I had also met my husband at that time and he began to encourage me to run. Over time, all these pieces came together, and the weight started to come back on. The skinny jeans came out and then went back in because they were too big. I dropped all the way down to around a size 4 and 133 lbs. I gradually lost the diet, but still ran 30-40 miles a week. So I maintained the loss.
After we became homeowners, things changed a little with our lifestyle, and running was harder to do. These were the yo-yo years for me. Up and down. Up and down. I did much with my diet. It was always exercise, exercise, exercise. Then came two kiddos and pregancy weight. After Little E was born, that weight just wouldn’t come off. I hung out at 160 for a while, then I made some dietary changes and ran my butt off training for a half marathon. That took me down in the 140s and kind of a 6-8 clothing size.
Since that half, it’s been a battle. I’ve been tired, really tired and overwhelmed by all the things around me. While I stayed in my range, I still didn’t feel good about myself. I wasn’t fit, and I knew that eating wasn’t the best. But I didn’t know where to start. I couldn’t find any consistency in my life.
This spring, I started to eat better. I am a notorious veggie avoider. But green smoothies gave me a way to add in veggies. My energy increased. Then I discovered P90X. And it gave me a structure to wrap my eating and workouts around. Because I didn’t have to think about those things as much, it became easier. While the workouts are definitely challenging, the mental side – the getting out there is always the thing that bogs me down. So, I got out there every day.
But the eating is it. And I’ve never been a good dieter. While I don’t follow the P90X diet to the letter, I generally try to eat 1800 calories a day of good food. I eat lots of small meals, and try to back of on some carbs, getting lots of protein in my days. And this has made the difference. I’ve said goodbye to fast food, pizza, mexican and other fattening options, allowing myself a “cheat day” now and again. I focus on great foods that I can have, like hummus, oatmeal, peanut butter, guacamole and green smoothies. I love my protein shakes. I even shook my caffeine addiction purely by accident.
Now, I am 140 lbs. And I may never break that barrier. But I am leaner. I am almost a size 4. I refuse to accept it though. I have muscles. I can do pull ups and chin ups. I also have lots of energy and feel good. Which is really the most important thing. Because beyond all this exercise, I’m still a wife and mother. And every day is more about all the other things I do. But by setting myself up for success, I am able to multi task and run our household. I am able to give my best to my family.
I find it ironic that at 16, 140 lbs was too much. But at 42, it’s just right. How does that happen? But that’s where I’ve come from. Now, let’s see where I go.
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Today’s workouts: 65 minutes of cardio kickboxing, 20 minutes of heavy bag work, 50 minutes of yoga
I don’t often get days where I get this much cardio. Although with my boys now seeming to move to a place where they can just play together semi -peacefully, I may be able to get more of this. Yoga is my nighttime ritual. And tonight, I got good and stretched out.
