For Women Only The Last Word

17 08 2005

Previous Post on This Book

As I’ve been preparing to begin my posting on The Excellent Wife, I realized that I had promised a summary post on Shaunti Feldhahn’s book, For Women Only: What You Need to Know About the Inner Lives of Men. I had finished my reviews of it during my vacation, but wanted to wrap up with some thoughts on reading the material.

As with all of these wonderful treasures in paperback and hardcover, there is much wisdom to be found. I just read the posts I have written on the book so far. I found myself doing a lot of nodding and agreeing with myself. I’m grateful for the opportunity to write about these things on my blog, for the simple fact that reading them is a quick reminder of what I need to do!

As I scanned through the chapters, the thing that most stirred me was the realization that men are sensative in more ways than women fully understand. They are emotional, but not in the same way that we are and we need to pay attention to what we think and say about them. A few of these areas, I never thought my husband cared two beans about. I never realized his need to provide for his family. While we contemplate having another baby, he feels a greater pressure to be able to provide for children into his golden years.

Chapter after chapter this little book is packed full of good information. I have used it as a springboard to conversations with my Gil – especially when an issue seemed to rear it’s ugly head in an argument or disagreement. I’ve been able to step back and take a look at things differently, keep my mouth shut and listen.

While Feldhahn’s book provides a “Christian” approach to the problems at hand, the revelations of her study are certainly not Christian, but go to the core of the true nature of men. She doesn’t preach solutions, but provides points to search in one’s heart. The answers aren’t the same for everyone. Except one. It seems the reoccuring theme is to “love” on our husbands, to support them in their struggles and to pray. While these seems such basic advice in the spectrum of all we might encounter in marital turmoil, reality speaks again and again of this important component for women.

One thing that women today may forget as we embrace such broad roles in our household – despite all we do for our children and in management of the day to day – our marriages still take work. We don’t just get to sit back and say, “Honey, appreciate me for all I’ve done.” It’s not that simple. Our husband’s are still part of that responsibility – and at the top of the list! This book is a great reminder of our need to be more sensative to him – and to pay attention and ask questions.

And don’t you really want to know what the one big thing was? The thing that your man wishes you knew about him? You’ll have to read the book to find out!

As an aside, I found one of Feldhahn’s fiction books at our local library today. I haven’t read much fiction these days because I have struggled with both non-Christian and Christian fiction – for very different reasons. It looks like her book is along the Peretti lines (I love Frank Peretti’s books.) So maybe it will be a good break in all this heavy marital reading.




One response

19 08 2005

I noticed her books were listed in the back of my copy of “For Women Only.” I don’t read much fiction either except for the classics. (David Copperfield!?)
But I am tempted to take a look at the library too. Thanks for the series. I have a friend who needs a 12-step program for “women who read too much.” (It’s okay, I’m one too, so we got a laugh.) But I told her if there was one book she read this year, it should be this one. You’re a keeper, Sal.

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